For most of my life I have had body image issues. I’ve never been ‘tinny’. I’ve always been bigger then the other girls and until recently I’ve always said I’m fat and always will be. I recently looked at a photo of myself when I was 14 years old and wish I could be that small again, however I know at the time I thought I was a GIANT wearing size 12, and realistically compared to the other girls I was.
Part of the problem has always been this idea of what size is normal. When i was younger if you were above a 10 you were fat, now (at 23) I see that magic number as a 12. I doubt I’ll ever fit in a 12 again, I currently measure 5’10” 38(12D)-33-40 and weigh 88kgs. I vary between (pants) a size 14 and a size 16 depending on the style and brand and (tops) size 12 and size 14. This is one of the big problems, why don’t we have standardized sizes for ladies clothes in Australia? It’s the most depressing feeling to go into a store (in this case ICE) where you have ALWAYS been a medium to find that suppliers have changed and now the large is a little tighter then you’d like. I no longer shop at ICE – I like the clothes but it’s a depressing feeling to be reaching for that large and I just can’t do it.
It doesn’t help that clothing is designed based on this magic figure that a minority of the population has the luck of birth to have. I understand that exercise and diet play a role in your size, but a stubborn fat patch (in my case my thighs) can cause havoc when shopping for clothing. A few years back I worked my darnedest to lose weight. I got down to around 79kg. I felt amazing when standing on the scale – my body tends to like to sit around 90kg without a strict diet and it was a major achievement for me to break that 80kg barrier. I was getting a lot of compliments on my appearance and it was a major boost to my confidence – that is until I went shopping to buy new jeans.
I probably tried on every pair of jeans in the store – nothing fit the way I wanted it to. My thighs were preventing me wearing a size 13. To get past my thighs I was having to try on size 14 and 15 jeans – often leaving a gaping 3 or so inches at the waist band. This meant I had to buy lower riding jeans which make me uncomfortable as my sizable derrière would result in a substantial plumbers crack when sitting or bending (eww). So i gave up on the diet. I couldn’t get into the smaller clothing sizes, and it was in fact making it MORE difficult to find clothing. I allowed myself to return to my slovenly ways and turned back into a whale. I think the 8 months of hard work took only 3 or 4 months to be undone.
Right now I’m trying again, I am aiming to break that 80kg barrier before I get married next October, and I intend to do something about my thighs even if it means I have to resort to liposuction. Regardless of what people say about everyone having a different shape I am not happy with the way I am. I wish those people could try being the different shape – unable to find cloths that fit, I’m sure they wouldn’t be able to keep up the ‘be happy with the way you are’ attitude – especially if they too started hearing remarks like ‘sausage legs’ directed at them.
Signing Off – MCL
